The fact that you have all these undefinable things going on in your head yet you still manage to leave your bed and face the world every day. I feel like you're one of the bravest people I know. We can have a conversation about movies and switch the next minute to talking about politics in the 1800s without skipping a beat. I can always be vulnerable and my silly self around you. I call you my Abacus because I know I can always count on you. You may be in the darkest imaginable place but I want, nay NEED you to know that you are the light at the end of tunnel for me. I feel like you're a shining star in my life. What I will do is to tell you how I feel. So I am not going to tell you how to feel better or to keep your head up because I know none of that matters. You've tried many things to rid yourself of the emptiness - drugs, sex, sports, adrenaline rush - but all they do is just temporarily fill the void which seem to get bigger by the moment. Other people (including me) can't even know how you feel because you don't know yourself. There are no words to express the things going through your mind the ache in your heart. I also know that no one knows exactly how you feel. You don't even know if you can get through another day. And at this point, everything seems bleak. And that despite all your efforts, it feels like you aren't appreciated. I know it feels like nothing you do ends up well. You don't know if and when it is going eventually crush you. I know you feel like the entire universe rests on your shoulder. First, I want you to know how much everyone in your life loves you.
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